Emotional Exhaustion Kills Creativity

I don’t fit stereotypes, never really have. When asked as a young girl what I wanted to be when I grew up, I cannot ever recall saying an elementary teacher. Ever. And yet I found myself being “assistant” to the virtual teacher for both of my boys these past 5 months. Like many, at the beginning of the year, we all thought that it would only be a few months. But month after month it continued, and all our frustrations grew. And with it my emotional exhaustion grew. I did not realize what was happening, I only knew that I felt utterly depleted. Creativity was at an all-time low and all my energy was focused on managing the continued schedule changes, my business, massive amounts of meals and emotional stress that my children were dealing with. Regular meltdowns by my 4th grader were debilitating and I would find myself in tears at the end of the day. Mind you I rarely ever cry, but 2020 had me shedding tears like I was postpartum watching The Notebook. What. Was. Wrong. With. Me?!

When a person is emotionally exhausted, it zaps your energy and leaves you in this frazzled state. Creativity is hindered and inspiration seems a distant reality. When frazzled, I am not anywhere near my maximum potential. I have realized that with the acceptance of emotional exhaustion comes emotional maturity. The understanding that sometimes life overwhelms us, and we need to minimize the inputs to maximize our outputs. It’s this light that went on for me within the past few months. An understanding that no, I cannot do “everything all the time.” BUT I can do a LOT when it counts. It’s figuring out when it really counts that is the key to my happiness. For me, what counts is my kids’ success #1, but also filling my life with things that make me feel fulfilled. So, what did I do? I slept, I read, and I allowed myself to sometimes watch TV shows that did nothing more than give my mind a break. I gave myself permission to be “lazy” and not feel like every day had to be super productive. Because that’s what I needed to be able to show up the next day for my kids. I had amazing support from friends and family as well. I also allowed myself a big splurge purchase of a new rowing machine that I love and has given me a new outlet to get my exercise in and feel like a total bad-ass! Because who doesn’t want to feel like they can conquer the world if only for 30 minutes a day lol!

My children are my center, but they are not my circumference. I am grateful now to begin to have the freedom to expand my circle now to include more external things that fulfill me. This includes blogging again! My mission with this blog is to spread some encouragement and lift those who are struggling or just need a laugh. To say “Hey, I’m not the only one feeling this and struggling in this crazy world!” and to be OK. To give you permission to show yourself grace and take one day at a time.